Today, I’m going to tell you about the most elegant English dishes and how you can eat like a royal even if you’re broke but happen to find some spare change under the couch cushions. Treat yourself! Why not feel fancy and British for a day? I mean, who doesn’t want to sip tea and pretend they live in a castle?
I won’t just tell you how to eat like royalty; I’ll also guide you through the high-stakes world of holding a tea cup (yes, there’s a correct way), and how to wield a fork, knife, and spoon like you’re at a palace banquet instead of, you know, your kitchen table in sweatpants. So, grab your imaginary crown, and let’s dive into the dishes and all the other royal stuff you definitely need to know about. Pinkies up!
Royal Breakfast: Starting Your Day Like the Royals
Before you read the article, make sure your wallet is nice and comfy because after you read this, your wallet is going to be crying. Anyways, you can’t start a royal day without having the most important meal of the day — breakfast. The English breakfast has to be one of the tastiest breakfast dishes out there.
Grab a plate and add bacon. You can make them crunchy or crispy — it’s up to you. After you grab the bacon, you also need an egg or eggs — it’s up to you. You can fry them, scramble them, or basically however you like.
Next stop: grilled tomatoes — you still need to keep it healthy. Add in some fried mushrooms too. And you can’t forget about the beans and toast — so delicious. Also, you need hash browns and black pudding. And that’s it.
Oh, and if you don’t know what black pudding is — it’s a type of blood sausage. Sounds intense, but it’s surprisingly good.
So you have your full English breakfast ready, and now I will tell you how to eat. First of all, sit on a chair, place your food on the table. Sit like you own the place — sit up straight, no slouching. You’re not a little boy, c’mon. And make sure you keep your elbows off the table.
Now, moving on to step 2 — your fork should always be in the left hand and the knife should be in the right hand. Never change it, you will look awkward. Use your knife not just to cut, but to gently guide food onto the back of your fork — no scooping like you’re shoveling snow. Don’t stab at your food like you’re on a battlefield; gentle, precise movements are key.
There is also a way to eat each item with elegance. First, what you do is cut into the bacon and sausages — never pick them up with your hand. After a bite, dip your toast in the yolk like you’re dipping chips (fries, for my non-British) into the sauce. Then carefully scoop some beans onto your fork and shove it up your mouth — nah I’m just kidding, don’t do that. Don’t do that, please.
Now moving on to the black pudding. Cut them like you cut a steak and eat them like how you eat a steak — basically, treat it like a steak. Grilled tomato & mushrooms — eat them in small portions, like you’re savoring fine truffles, not speed-eating pizza.
And there! Your first step to start a royal day.
The Royal Afternoon Tea
You can’t possibly think that the British royals don’t have tea — especially in the afternoon. Forget about breakfast. This is the most important part of the day: the afternoon tea.
You’re probably wondering why tea is so popular in the United Kingdom. Tea was introduced in Britain in the 1600s when King Charles II’s Portuguese wife brought it over. By the 18th century, the British East India Company supplied unlimited tea to the United Kingdom. They were probably like, “Yeah, coffee is too expensive — we’ll just drink tea from now on, and it tastes better.”
Now I will tell you how to drink tea like a royal person. This is probably the cheapest thing out of this whole article. Anyways, bring out your finest Chinese teacup. You also need a teapot with freshly brewed loose leaf tea, milk jug, sugar bowls with tongs. Make sure you get the fancy spoons, tea strainer (if using loose tea), and small plates for snacks.
Now go make your tea. If you don’t know how to make tea — I feel sorry for you.
Make sure you hold the teacup properly. Yes, there is also a way to hold the teacup. Hold the teacup with your thumb and index finger, resting your middle finger underneath for support. Do not loop your fingers through the handle or stick your pinky out — it’s disrespectful.
If you’re a slurper — do not slurp. Drink it quietly. Look into your cup while drinking, not over it. Place the cup back on the saucer between sips.
Afternoon tea isn’t complete without finger sandwiches. You also need pastries. There is also another snack — scones. Break them by hand, make sure you don’t do it with a knife. Apply jam first, then clotted cream like the Queen prefers.
Royal Dining: Dinners Fit for a King or Queen
If you ever get invited to a royal dinner — my guy, I have some kind of special respect for you. Although you’re probably never going to get invited, I will tell you what they offer.
At the start, you’re offered smoked salmon. Yeah, sorry if you’re a vegan, you should probably stop reading. So — smoked salmon, seasonal soups like pea and mint or wild mushroom.
At the main course, you get lamb, beef or venison sourced from royal estates like Balmoral or Sandringham, with tasty vegetables and wine. For dessert, you get fruit tarts, puddings, or classic British desserts like treacle tart. There are also chocolate confections or seasonal fruit compotes. There’s also a cheese course — like, damn.
Now I will tell you how to eat it with elegance. At first, before dining, you stand behind your chair until the royal family is seated. I know you’re never going to get invited, but still, I am telling you in case you do.
After you sit down and the food comes, place a napkin on your lap. And remember — your fork should always be in the left hand and the knife on the right hand. If you ever need a break from eating, place the utensils on your plate in a V shape. Place them together when you’re done.
And after you’re done eating, don’t wipe your mouth — always dab your mouth gently.
And again, I know you’re not going to get invited, but if you do and you want to start a conversation on the first course, always speak to the person on the right, and to the left on your second course. Always start a light conversation — don’t start a deep topic.
Anyways, if you want to toast, stand for it if you have the guts. Never drink until the monarch raises their glass. And make sure you do not use your phone — it’s inelegant. If you need to use it, excuse yourself and go to a private area, but only for urgent matters. You don’t need to excuse yourself to watch Instagram reels. If you get bored — just sit there awkwardly.
The Royal Sunday Roast
This is my favourite meal. I am a fat guy and I can happily agree that this is the best thing I have ever tasted in my life.
Okay, so let me tell you what you need for the royal Sunday roast. You will need meat — any kind of meat — but the royals’ favourite one is roast beef. But if you don’t like it, then you can have pork, chicken, or lamb. Roast potatoes — crispy on the outside, fluffy on the inside. Yorkshire pudding — it’s a really delicious pudding. It tastes exactly like bread, but really soft.
Vegetables: roasted parsnips, carrots, peas, and seasonal greens. You also need gravy. Gravy on Yorkshire pudding is the best combination — make sure the gravy is from the meat.
For sauce, you have horseradish sauce, mint sauce, or apple sauce. It mostly depends on what kind of meat you’re having. And this is optional — cauliflower cheese. I have never tasted this. I am curious what it tastes like.
Now I am going to tell you how to place everything on your plate properly. First, put the meat slices elegantly on the plate. Then your vegetables — place them neatly. Then place your Yorkshire pudding beside the meat and drizzle some gravy on the meat or wherever you like. Leave some gravy in a gravy boat for extra. And there you have it — your royal Sunday roast.
To make it extra fancy, you can also have some red wine with the roast.
Royal Sweets & Desserts
The British royals really like their dessert. Queen Elizabeth really liked chocolate cake. She was served chocolate cake at her wedding and for her 80th birthday. Also, many royal celebrations like weddings, birthdays, or special occasions.
Queen Elizabeth II’s Favourite Chocolate Cake
Now I will tell you how to make Queen Elizabeth II’s favourite chocolate cake. You’re going to need:
- 225g (8 oz) digestive biscuits (or graham crackers)
- 115g (4 oz) unsalted butter (softened)
- 115g (4 oz) caster sugar
- 230g (8 oz) dark chocolate (for cake)
- 2 tbsp cocoa powder
- 1 egg
- 125g (4 oz) dark chocolate (for coating)
Grease a 6-inch cake tin with parchment paper and break the biscuits into small pieces — don’t powder them. Now, moving on to the cream — butter and sugar. Beat them until fluffy.
Over a double boiler, melt 230g dark chocolate. Add egg to butter mixture, then stir in melted chocolate and cocoa. Mix them. Now combine the biscuits until coated.
Spoon into the tin, press down, and chill for 3 hours. Melt remaining chocolate and pour over cake. Let set. This is a really good no-bake cake.
Traditional British Trifle
To be honest, not my favourite — but I really like the chocolate one. Still, I am going to tell you how to make the fruit one.
Ingredients:
- 1 Swiss roll or sponge cake, sliced
- 100ml sherry (optional)
- Mixed berries (strawberries, raspberries, blueberries)
- 500ml custard (homemade or store-bought)
- 300ml double cream (whipped)
- Strawberry or raspberry jelly (gelatin)
- Toasted almonds and fresh berries for garnish
First step: make the jelly. Add berries and let it sit in a trifle bowl. After that, place sponge slices over set jelly and pour custard evenly over the sponge. Top with whipped cream. If you want to make it extra fancy, place almonds and fresh berries on top of the whipped cream.
Victoria Sponge Cake
This cake was named after Queen Victoria. She really liked this cake. She used to have it with the afternoon tea.
Ingredients:
- 200g (7 oz) unsalted butter (softened)
- 200g (7 oz) caster sugar
- 4 large eggs
- 200g (7 oz) self-raising flour
- 1 tsp baking powder
- 2 tbsp milk
- 150g (5 oz) raspberry jam
- 150ml double cream (whipped)
- Icing sugar for dusting
First, preheat the oven to 180°C (350°F). Grease two 20cm (8-inch) cake tins. Beat the cream, butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Add eggs one at a time — make sure you mix it well.
Fold flour. Sift in flour and baking powder; gently fold in. Add milk until the batter is smooth and bake it for 20 to 25 minutes.
Spread jam on one sponge, top with whipped cream, and sandwich together. Finish with a light icing sugar dusting. And there you have it — Victoria sponge cake. Kind of hard to make — it took me several tries to make this. Anyways, if you want to respect Queen Victoria, then have it with your afternoon tea.
And there you have it! By now, you’re practically royalty — minus the palace, crown jewels, and paparazzi (unless your dog follows you everywhere). Eating like a royal isn’t just about fancy food; it’s about savoring each bite, holding your fork like a pro, and pretending your kitchen is Buckingham Palace.
Fun fact: Queen Elizabeth II loved her chocolate biscuit cake so much that if a slice was missing, royal detectives were probably called in! And the Victoria Sponge? It’s so iconic it’s practically the Beyoncé of British cakes.
So, whether you’re dipping toast into egg yolk like a noble or sipping tea without slurping (seriously, no slurping!), remember: food is meant to be enjoyed. And if you spill gravy on yourself — hey, even kings and queens have off days.
Now, grab your imaginary crown, whip up that Sunday roast, and treat yourself like the royal you are. Pinkies up!